10 Things I Hate About the Red Sox

(Editor’s note: I really couldn’t help but try and work out a contract deal with my main man Sully to get him here on the site. Clearly, most readers probably won’t like what he has to say and yes, he is as old-school and angry about the current state of Boston sports as he sounds, he’s a 5’2″ Irishman from Canton. We like to consider him our version of CHB Dan Shaughnessy. And now… I give you… Sully.)

Here is my top 10 list of reasons that I hate the current 2010 Boston Red Sox.

1. Theo Epstein. Pompous “youngin” with a hit or miss track record (see:  Lugo, Julio). He’s now bombarding us with Bill James defensive crap.
2. Terry Francona. A players’ suck up who lets the inmates run the asylum. Two world series rings where the Sox won “despite him” not “because of him”.
3. Fenway Park. The single most overrated sports venue in North America. Poor sight lines, overpriced tickets and lack of facilities make this “America’s most beloved ballpark” marketing slogan a joke!
4. J.D. Drew. Single worst overpriced contract in Red Sox History (wait, I forgot Lugo) for a guy who simply does not produce, especially RBIs.  Can’t, or won’t, play hurt and averages only 130 games a year.
5. Mr. Mouth, Jonathan Papelbon. Sore shoulder, sore head or just a yuk-yuk punk who turns every effort into a dentist visit. Goodbye, good luck and have fun in NY!
6. Dice-K. The Japanese nutball who’s refusal to change his style has resulted in another lost cause for Boy Wonder. Adds new texture to the therm “water torture” watching him pitch. Go back to Yokohama.  The local “Fighting California Rolls” want you back.
7. David Ortiz. Artificially enhanced slugger who has fallen and can’t get up. Defenders point towards his 2009 “garbage time” stats. Will slide down the lineup to part-time as the season unfolds. Bye, bye.
8. Larry Lucchino. Career hack who never saw a ticket increase or a $9.00 watered down Bud Light he didn’t’ like.
9. Mike Cameron. Haven’t seen him play but have already branded him another Theo bust. Will melt in Fenway as the pathetic faithful turn on this over-the-hill strike out king.
10. Boston Red Sox sports media. Pathetic “housemen” afraid of all things Red Sox and the ultimate fear of being shut out for telling the truth.  Wax poetically about friendly Fenway while observing from luxury boxes nibbling on liver pate.

That’s all fans.  Have a wonderful season and say hi to Theo if you bump into him at Fenway!

2 Responses to “10 Things I Hate About the Red Sox”

1. Chas says:

   February 17, 2010 at 11:32 am

   Other things Sully hates about the Red Sox: Trading Brian Rose and Carl Pavano for Pedro Martinez, drafting Jacoby Ellsbury, retiring Johnny Pesky’s number, including “Red” in the nickname because it makes him think of communist Russia and winning. He hates winning.
2. Mike C says:

   February 17, 2010 at 10:16 pm

   Dude this guy is like pre 2004 pissed off!

   2 rings in a couple years and he still rags on Theo and Terry? Go 86 years without and see how much of a joke they are.