Divisional Round, Mustachio Picks the Losers

Well, for those of you who still consider me a reliable source for NFL picks, or at least an entertaining jester, I apologize for letting you down last week.  I failed to pick a single NFL Wild Card game correctly. To be fair, I knew the Ravens would beat the Patriots, but I picked with my heart. That was unfair to the thousands of my readers who bet millions of dollars based on my entirely unbiased weekly pick’em articles.

For that, I’m sorry.

For the next apology, the Patriots, Bengals, and Eagles owe it to each and every one of us. Could these three teams have played any worse last weekend? If you listened to the 4SportBoston podcast, I noted that I couldn’t even watch the Packers / Cardinals game after the Pack fell down 17-0 early. I turned it off and missed the most entertaining game of the weekend.

This weekend, I promise to watch all games in their entirety, with the exception of the time I spend driving to and from the Baer’s Den in Tempe, AZ on Saturday for the Red Sox Nation Arizona Event Planning “meeting”.

With all this out of the way, and my playoff losing streak continued, much like the lowly Bengals own streak, I’ll go ahead and tell you who will lose this weekend. I’m basing all of my picks this week on my analysis of the Football Universe Karma Utility Factor (also known as the FUKU Factor). The FUKU Factor actively participated in the outcome of the Wild Card Round, and should come into play again this weekend.

Cardinals over Saints

I really think the Saints are the better team here and should win this game at home. Kurt Warner is getting hot though, and that could spell danger for the boys from the bayou. At the very least, we should see offense in abundance in the first game of the weekend.

Final score according to the FUKU Factor:  17-14 Cardinals

Indianapolis over Baltimore

Indy hasn’t played a serious game in a month, and the Ravens are playing some of the best grind it out win in the playoffs type of football out of the remaining eight teams. Baltimore should be too physical and too angry about their loss to Indy earlier this year to lose again. I’m going against my gut once again, and I’m taking the Colts.

Final score according to the FUKU Factor:  38-9 Colts

Cowboys over Vikings

I said it in Week 17, and still believe it. Of all the teams that needed a bye week, the Vikings were at the top of the list. Hopefully the Grape Ape spent his two weeks off locked in a room with Tiki Barber learning to hold onto the football, because if he didn’t, the Vikings will be golfing next week.

Like the Ravens, the Cowboys are playing grind it out football the way it needs to be played. Unfortunately for the Cowboys, with the exception of a Week 14 shocker over the Saints, the only thing the Cowboys have proved is they can beat the Eagles. The Eagles were a good team, but beating a division rival you know has no running game doesn’t help you stop Adrian Peterson. Once again, against the gut, I’m taking the Cowboys.

Final score according to the FUKU Factor:  28-19, Cowboys

Jets over Chargers

There’s no way the Jets can win this game. There’s just no way…  Right?

Final score according to the FUKU Factor:  11-3 Jets

So there are my pseudo unbiased picks. I’d love to see Ravens/Chargers and Vikings/Saints next week, so I’m picking against that hope. I’m not sure how the football universe will react to my ploy, but we’ll certainly find out how well I fooled it in the next two days.

Next week:  DETAILED Championship Game previews with REAL football analysis.



2 Responses to “Divisional Round, Mustachio Picks the Losers”

1. Foot in mouth pro says:

   January 15, 2010 at 10:45 pm

   I don’t think I can stomach another Cowboys win. The FUKU factor just made me say “I wish football was over bc I feel like I should watch it.” That is disappointing, especially to myself. How can I continue to watch all the teams I got excited about this season lose?
2. BOJO says:

   January 15, 2010 at 11:51 pm

   El Mustacio….
   1. Brett Favre is god and is not losing sooooooooo Vikings over Cowboys.
   2.Jets??????????????????????????????????? No way LT and the Chargers are Super Bowl bound. Chargers over Jets.
   3. Manning is not winning this year, stick with your gut Mustachio. Ravens over Colts….In a close one.

   I agree with your Cardinals pick…Saints are going to choke.

   Thanks and love always,
   Bojo