Bruins Get Puck-Blocked on Thirsty Thursday
As I was walking to work today down a street littered with red Solo cups and crushed Natty Light cans, I couldn’t help but think back to those Thursday nights in college which were like an alcoholic oasis after the arid week of nose-to-the-grindstone studying and research. After hours of reading and translating and thinking, the beautiful idea that the weekend didn’t have to wait until Friday was just what Doctor McGillicuddy ordered.
(side note: the above statement is 100% factual. I swear.)
Thursday nights were always the “wild card” night of the college weekend. Friday and Saturday were the big party days, with organized shenanigans or big crowds at the bars. But Thursday? The docket for that evening could range from just a few sixers of PBR and some video games or cheap pitchers at Hoyas while watching a game to cramming into the local pumphouse for some bumping and grinding with a few lucky ladies. Really, anything was possible. The only true goal at the end of the night? Much like in hockey it was to score as much as possible and to do so more than your opponent.
Unfortunately for the Bruins, there has been a lot of “puck-blocking” going on lately. All the hard work of the early part of the evening – putting on your best sweater, keeping a steady flow of liquids throughout the night, initiating a little body contact as needed and putting a few goals on the board – has been washed away late-night as some bigger, stronger dude swings in and puts the biscuit in the basket at the last minute.
(AP Photo/Chris O'Meara)
The B’s lost for the seventh time in nine games last night, falling to Columbus, 3-2, at the Garden. The more disturbing trend is that this was the fourth loss in this stretch where the Bruins allowed a third period lead to dwindle. For a team fighting for its playoff life, allowing the minimum one point for reaching overtime to go by the wayside is unacceptable. The B’s sit today in seventh place in the Eastern Conference, tied with the N.Y. Islanders at 54 points. The Bruins are only tied because they have played less games that the Isles and have less losses. The Philadelphia Flyers are sitting right behind the two teams with 53 points and another three are lurking at 51 points. If the Bruins had held on for the final moments of those four games, just making the extra period – never mind winning and securing the extra points – they would be up in fifth place with breathing room on the teams storming from the outside looking in.
Nobody likes getting “puck-blocked,” especially four times in 17 days. That just isn’t healthy. But, one of the best ways to fix something is to look back and see where things went wrong. So, come on over Milan Lucic, Zdeno Chara and the rest of you and take a seat on the couch. We are going to review last night’s effort and where the Bruins went wrong in their attempt to successfully woo Lady Victory.
First Period: This is the part of the night where you need to come out strong, announce your presence at the bar and set the tone for the evening. Establishing yourself as a factor on the night goes a long way to ending the evening on top … of the standings you pervert.
Michael Ryder is like that B+ sophomore chick you knew in college. She came into the school her freshman year and had some success. Sure, some nights she looked better than others, but that is to be expected as she adjusts to her new surroundings. Much like a popular girl in high school, Ryder was starting to get criticized in Montreal by the end of his career there because he had been around so long. Now, in his new setting, he needed to regain his confidence.
By the end of the year, he was scoring at a high rate again and big things were expected in his second year with the team. However, he has again been inconsistent this year. The first couple weeks looked real good (3G-3A-6P) but tailed off around midterms. Then, another good stretch around Thanksgiving, but the semester break was really needed. Now, with the start of a new year, Ryder is back to prove he belongs with the top-notch talent.
Again, like a girl coming back from semester break, Ryder is scoring and even throwing his body around. This first period was his best of the season. He scored a pretty goal and leveled Jakub Voracek at mid-ice with a bodycheck. In the Thursday-night bar scene of this game, he was the girl who got all dressed up and had the look on her face that says, “I am here for a good time tonight, and I mean business.” Much better than the sweatpants and t-shirt from her old high school she had on for the last five weeks of first semester.
(Note: The above paragraph in no way implies a crush on Michael Ryder. My man-crushes are reserved for Jonathan Papelbon and Mark Stuart.)
Now, the B’s ended the first period tied 1-1 but that was okay. Lady Victory is a fickle female. She has no problem playing both sides and giving a little each way early on. The Bruins were able to get the first dance on Ryder’s goal at 2:11, but Columbus snuck in while the B’s went the bathroom a little later and Chris Clark tied the game at 12:23.
Looch doing what he does best. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa)
Now, as any viable swordsman knows, when another guy steps in on the woman you have eyes for, you need to defend your honor. Which is exactly what Milan Lucic did. About three minutes after the Blue Jackets scored, Lucic engaged in his first fight since October against noted tough guy Jared Boll. This was a good scrap, with both big men throwing hands at a good rate. Hard to call a clear winner, but there was no doubt that the object of both men’s affection took notice.
Second Period: Okay, things have been set in motion. She knows you are interested. Now, it is time to set up for the kill. You bought her one drink already, ask if she needs another. If she wants to dance, give her the good stuff (or just don’t embarrass yourself.) The key is to keep her attention on you and away from that other jabronie who keeps getting in your way.
The B’s did okay in the middle portion of the evening last night. All of the attention came from them in the early goings as they kept their name fresh in Victory’s head. A few clever passes early were turned away, but not completely overlooked. Finally, the B’s turned to old reliable.
Every guy has a few go-to moves. Some can cut up a dance floor, others go for their wit and charm. Some just have “it” and can lock things up with relative ease. For the Bruins this season, their go-to move is Patrice Bergeron. When weak shots from Blake Wheeler and Vladimir Sobotka are being turned away like pickup lines while ordering cheap drafts at the bar, Bergeron is the guy the B’s turn to.
Pat-rico Suave came on the ice about six minutes into the period after watching his buddies struggle to score and calmly fired a shot past the goalie. There was nothing complicated to his attempt, just rearing back and firing with all the confidence in the world. No wonder no one could stop him.
Now, every venture out into the night-scene requires a bit of luck. Sure that girl seems to like you, but that other guy keeps hanging around. What you need is a stroke of fortune to create some space and keep you in the lead. The Bruins had their brush with luck late in the second period.
With the Jackets on the power play and pushing to get back in the game, Antoine Vermette appeared to have scored a goal. However, video review showed that he kicked the puck in with his skate and the goal was disallowed. Normally, ladies don’t appreciate cheating, and this case was no different. This was similar to your adversary spilling a drink on the girl while getting some alone time. Not exactly a death blow, but it doesn’t help things and definitely keeps things in your favor.
Third Period: Okay, it’s closing time. The night is almost over and she is going to make a choice soon. Sure, you have had the lead most of the evening, but things can change very quickly. Letting up is giving up. You can’t do that. Summon all of your energy and know that the reward at the end is worth the sacrifice at the present. This is your time, there time is over.
(AP Photo/Charles Krupa)
David Krejci came out in the beginning of the period and had a chance to seal the deal. 1:20 in, he had a wide open net. All of Victory’s friends were gone at the moment powdering their noses or doing that weird thing where chicks poke themselves in the eyes with a marker. Even that sonofabitch who has been hovering around all night is bending down to tie his shoe. Krejci leaned in for the kiss ….closed his eyes … and missed. He kissed air. Shot went wide, she noticed and things were never the same.
Vermette atoned for spilling that drink before at 7:16, working hard in tight to get back in the game. While not excited about the outcome, you have to appreciate his comeback effort. Now you need to answer.
The problem is, time is running out. Last Call has been announced and for some reason, your attention has been shifted from sealing the deal to inviting her to an after-party for some more time to work your game. The Bruins seemed to be playing for overtime, hoping to at least secure the point and get five more minutes to show what they have to offer. Not the best way to lock it up, but it is at least a way. The only problem is that playing tight and not to lose can leave you holding your stick in your hands at the end of the night.
With 1:31 to play, fate intervened. Unfortunately, for all of the work you have put in, sometimes it isn’t even your fault that you lose. The phantom high-sticking call on Lucic late in the game was your buddy coming over right before the bar’s lights come on and mentioning your ex-girlfriend is excited to meet you all back at the house for late-night beer pong. Not really needed at the moment and totally uncalled for.
We all know what happens next. Your “Thursday Night Delight” goes down in flames quickly. She fakes a text message or phone call and scurries off, promising to “be right back.” But, seconds later she is whisked out the door by that guy who, while a valiant opponent, is really not a better option than you. Sure enough, 15 seconds into the power play Columbus scores. The Bruins tried to chase down the win in a last-ditch effort, but nothing came of it. Instead of locking arms with a beautiful woman and walking back to your man cave for a post-game celebration, you are dumbfound in the middle of your living room with your buddies trying to figure out what just happened.
What can the Bruins take from this? They need to close. A successful game is a complete 60-minute effort. Nobody wants to show up, buy a few drinks early, awkwardly dance to Miley Cyrus, put up with her friends and then watch some jackass enjoy what should be your kissyface.
That party sucks.
5 Responses to “Bruins Get Puck-Blocked on Thirsty Thursday”
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Good stuff. I’m including it my Link Chowder links of the week post.
surprisingly good column today, however I HAD a mancrush on stu loooong before you realized his potential
I was at the game last night and I definitely think the Bruins only had 4 men on the ice when Columbus scored the 2nd goal. I was looking from the balcony and I noticed that as Columbus came into the Bruins zone, the B’s only had 4 players, I looked at the bench and no one was coming off, and as I went to look back at the puck, Columbus scored. I looked directly back to the bench and Satan was about 10 feet from the bench skating slowly (since the BJs scored). Can anyone confirm this?
You know you are struggling when you try and dump the puck into your zone, and accidentally nail your leading scorer who is skating across the blue line. Can’t believe Wideman crushed Wheeler! Unreal.
Thanks! Enjoy reading your site as well. I am going to have to stop by for one of the Public Skates.