Fear Not, The ‘Fins Are In Town
I want you to picture, if you can, what I’m about to tell you in as much detail as possible. I’d tell you to close your eyes and imagine yourself there as you read, but after attempting this while writing I decided it was a little too needlessly complicated.
You’re watching the movie “Napoleon Dynamite.” Our semi-lovable, painfully nerdy hero is on the telephone with high school beauty “Trish,” who has received a hand-drawn portrait of herself as a gift from Napoleon. As she is forced to play nice by her sympathetic mother, she squeezes some version of “Thank you” through clenched teeth. Then we hear Napoleon describe his efforts: “It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing I’ve ever done.”
Hold that cringe. Now let’s continue…
You’re watching “There’s Something About Mary.” Cameron Diaz has just spotted what appears to be hair gel hanging from the left ear of co-star Ben Stiller. Excited, she grabs it and rubs it into her bangs, attempting to give them a lift. Unfortunately for her, the bangs she attempted to “lift” are now standing straight upright as the two head out on the town for their date.
Okay, now take that cringe and add it to the first. Now one more image…
A parentally concerned look is spread on Eugene Levy’s face as he sits in silence. Jason Biggs is seated beside him, looking so ashamed that he holds his face in his hands. On the kitchen table in front of them sits a mangled, and defiled homemade apple pie.
Now you’ve got it.
What you’re experiencing right now is precisely what watching the New England Patriots was like for the two weeks before their bye. Sure, there’s a great deal of humor involved. We enjoy watching these movies, and despite the sometimes overwhelming awkwardness, in the end, we’re satisfied with the results.
So what if we beat two teams in consecutive weeks with combined records of 0-11 by a combined score of 94-7? A win, especially in the NFL, is a win. Right? Well, we’ll take it anyway. And, by the way, if the Indianapolis Colts can play the Jaguars, Seahawks, Titans, Rams and 49ers (10-26 combined to date) in their first seven games and still rustle up heaping helpings of “Manning for MVP” discussions, then yes, we’ll even get a little excited.
However, this week, the Patriots welcome division rival Miami to The Razor. Despite touting a 3-4 record that doesn’t appear a whole lot better than either of their previous two opponents, their road to 3rd place in the AFC East has been arduous, to say the least. In their first seven games, the Dolphins lost to “powerhouse” teams Indianapolis by four points, and New Orleans by 12 in a game that required an epic come-from-behind effort from the Saints. The Dolphins’ other two losses have come against the Atlanta Falcons and San Diego Chargers, both owning winning records and sole possession of second place in their respective divisions. Despite their disappointing win-loss total, the Fins are as battle-tested as any team in the NFL this season.
Four former first-rounders starting on offense (Including offensive linemen Jake Long, Vernon Carey, and running back Ronnie Brown) have helped Wildcat-obsessed Miami to a 153.4/ypg rushing average, good for 3rd in the NFL. The interesting thing about this, however, is the equal-yet-opposite incompetency of the Dolphins’ passing game. Currently at 152/ypg (29th NFL) in the passing game, they actually are rushing for more yards per game than they’re throwing for. This seems to be a glimmer of hope for the Dolphins, as not only is New England’s run defense not quite up to par with the rest of the squad, but the Pats will be at anything but full strength on the defensive line. Standout defensive end Jarvis Green will miss Sunday’s game with a knee injury, while Pro-Bowler Ty Warren suffered an ankle injury against Tampa Bay in London. Warren’s injury was not viewed as serious, however, and coupled with the concurrent bye week to heal, he will almost certainly play. Although, it’s hard to imagine a 300 pound lineman having quite the same explosion off a semi-hobbled ankle. With linebacker Adalius Thomas (doghouse) very questionable for Sunday’s contest as well, backs Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams may just have the opening they need to crash the Patriots’ two-week-long defensive party.
But fear not, Patriot Nation. The possibility of the Patriots allowing Brown and Williams to rack up some considerable fantasy points is not nearly as frightening to them as the NFL’s second-highest ranked passing attack (and third in total offense) will certainly be to the league’s 21st-ranked passing defense. As talented as 2009 first-round draft pick (25th overall and 2nd CB taken) Vontae Davis is, just the thought of Randy Moss and Wes Welker matching up against rookie cornerbacks for an entire game must be keeping Tom Brady awake every night attempting to complete a trade for himself in his fantasy football league. The Miami Dolphins may have the 6th-ranked run-stopping crew in the game, but there is a good chance the Pats’ running game this week could consist mostly of lightning-quick screen passes to Wes Welker and Kevin Faulk. If you happen to be lucky enough to own Tom Brady, Randy Moss or Wes Welker on your fantasy team, do NOT forget to start them. Look for Welker to receive looks all day on screens and quick slants, with at least one resulting in a WW-Classic, breaking-four-tackles, outrunning both safeties, screen pass-turned 100-yard-dash for a touchdown. In addition, the memories of Pats-Fins in October of 2007, during which Brady hit his two favorite targets a combined 13 times for 260 yards and 4 touchdowns (plus two other non-Moss/Welkers), are enough for an official prediction of two spectacular Randy Moss touchdown catches as well. Miami may run the ball effectively enough to keep this game close for a quarter, and perhaps even the better part of the first half. Eventually though, the New England Patriots will prove too tough defensively, too explosive offensively, too intelligently coached to get duped by schoolyard Wildcat formations, and far too well-prepared for Miami to come up with anything surprising enough to slow the Patriots down.
Random Predictions:
Wes Welker: 11 receptions, 134 yards, 1 TD, 7 first downs
Randy Moss: 7 receptions, 108 yards, 2 TD
Ronnie Brown: 147 yards rushing, 1 TD
Ted Ginn, Jr.: New NFL record in single-game kick return yards… But mostly because New England will be kicking off so often…
Official Game Prediction:
New England 52, Miami 24
Player of the Game: Joey Porter, for once again providing enough bulletin board material in a single pre-game interview to inspire a ruthless offensive attack by the opposition. Didn’t actually need motivation, Joey, but thanks for the added incentive anyway…
STAFF PREDICTIONS:
- Patrick: Pats 27-19 and because he is bitter: “Ted Ginn Jr. goes 4 receptions for 47 yards. Screw his return game.”
- Seano: Pats 33-15
- Mike: Pats 27-17: “I predict Brady goes 17-24, 245 yards passing 2 TDs.”
- Chas: Pats 38-17: “Player of game jerrod mayo 10 tackles and a turnover. Pretty much stuffs the wildcat”
- Jawz: Pats 30-17: “I think the Pats are more than ready to handle the wildcat formation and they’ll be able to limit their ground game, if they deviate from that I think we’ll be seeing some more highlights next week involving Brandon Meriweather.”
- Craig: Pats 38-20: “Wildcat shmildcat… Pats give up some big plays but the Pats offense will prove to be too much in the end.”
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2 Responses to “Fear Not, The ‘Fins Are In Town”
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The real question of the day is…. With fat Charlie Weis and the over-rate Irish losing to Navy on Saturday it is now a strong possibiilty that he could be fired from his 4M contract at the end of this season. Would Bellichick take him back as OC replacing the current OC (don’t know who that is)? Wasn’t Charlie Brady’s big buddy when he was here?
Sulldog
make sure you check out the Patriots v. Dolphins Pre-Game Meal over at http://www.nepatriotsdraft.com/2009/11/pre-game-meal-miami-dolphins.html