Ticket, Truth, Jesus, and Tracy Morgan

Well, it’s been an entire two games into the Celtics season, and the fans in green are just about ready to plan their trips and book their tickets to Finals games.  If only we could know who was coming out of the West this fast.

Even with the loss of Glen “Big Baby” Davis for behavior detrimental to the team, and an assortment of other institutions, the Celtics have already shown flashes, and demonstrated a brilliance in a half-dozen areas some considered weak last season.  His rebounding and constantly improving shooting and gameplay will be missed temporarily, but the Celts won’t suffer much.  For the most part, his return will be like adding a body-banging rebounder to an already great mix, rather than getting an important player back from injury, suspension, or a Colorado rape case.  Here are a few points the Celtics have addressed, and how they have, and will affect the team down the road:

1.  Rasheed Wallace:  Adding the big man to the bench/starting 5 immediately makes the Celtics not only better, but a whole lot scarier.  The combination of Kevin Garnett and Rasheed Wallace will certainly make up the most foul-mouthed, intimidating tandem of big men since McFilthy and McNasty were dominating games with violent authority.  If the boys can avoid making Wyc Grousbeck install a rating system in the first several rows of the Boston Garden preventing children being exposed to the olympic-level obscenity-hurling, and if Rasheed can avoid becoming the second coming of Antoine Walker by throwing up awful 3-pointers in the 4th quarter, 2009-2010 is sure to be a very memorable season.

2.  The Green Team:  The Celtics have fortified their bench this season not only with the addition of Rasheed Wallace, but also Marquis Daniels, who helped the Celtics rally to overtake the Cavaliers in the first game of the season, even after the younger, faster team raced to an early 17-4 lead.  The C’s bench has been very good the last couple of seasons, despite predictions that every bit of money would be allocated to the best three or four players on the team, with the rest having to be paid with Stop & Shop gift cards and store credit at the Celtics Pro Shop.  However, having either Kendrick Perkins or Rasheed Wallace coming off the bench, Marquis Daniels, Eddie “Watch Me Put This Game Away With Four Straight 3-pointers” House, will make their bench just as dangerous as the one which helped hang banner #17 in the rafters of the Garden.

3.  The Big/New/2000′s 3 (aka PGA Tour):  The third, final, and most important point to touch on after the first two games is the best starting 3 in the NBA:  Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Kevin Garnett.  The health of these three players will determine everything this season.  As helpless Boston fans watched last post-season, the Celtics without Kevin Garnett was a very good, highly competitive team capable of going deep into the playoffs and still giving the best teams in the league a run for their respective monies.  However, they could not, and will not this season, go the distance if one of the three wheels of their high-powered tricycle comes off.

Over the past two seasons, we’ve been able to see what each player brings to the table in tough playoff series.  We’ve seen games won and lost of the sweet stroke of Ray Allen.  We’ve witnessed Paul Pierce, in what will surely be a highlighted moment at his future Hall of Fame shrine, reduce LeBron James from Superhuman Phenom to Somewhat-hovering-above-what-humans-should-be-able-to-do with stifling defense and comparable contributions in points.  And, of course, we’ve seen Kevin Garnett prowl under the net, terrifying would-be scorers from driving anywhere near the basket.  Can the Celtics win a championship without one of said Three?  Sure.  But I wouldn’t be putting any kind of money on it with the likes of King James and Darth Howard waiting to pounce on any Celtic vulnerability.

3(a).  Rajon Rondo:  I decided to group Rajon Rondo into a sub-category of the Big 3.  He is not quite the superstar the Big Ticket, The Truth, or Jesus Shuttlesworth (I suppose this is the nickname that comes from being one of the great sharp-shooters in NBA history), but he may be more crucial to a potential championship.  Yeah, there’s a possibility of the C’s hanging another banner without one of the 3, but can they win starting Eddie House at the point?  Or attempting to move Marquis Daniels into that role?  Is there a replacement for a guy who averaged a triple-double in 14 playoff games last season and almost single-handedly won an ESPN Classic series against the Chicago Bulls?  Maybe they can, and maybe there is, but I’m certainly not looking forward to the prospect. 

On an unrelated note, I’d like to advise Wyc & Co. to sign this man to a longer-term deal as soon as possible.  You have until Saturday… get it done.  Do not let one of the top-5 point guards in the game (and one who has not happened to have his 24th birthday yet) test the restricted free agency waters at the end of this season.  Just don’t let it happen.

So this is where the Celtics stand.  Some new faces, same old points.  Rest the starters enough, get Glen Davis a “Tracy Morgan Hollywood Sock” (alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet) and fire his college buddy posing as his “Personal Assistant and Designated Driver,” stay healthy, prevent Rajon Rondo from throwing any more wimpy white players into the scorer’s table with his brand new magazine cover-caliber biceps, and this team is the odds-on favorite to win it all.